Less Pressure-Filled Mother's Day

My bat mitzvah - 1994.

I hate mother's day. There. I wrote it out. Now you know. Do you know why I hate mother's day?? Because my mom isn't around for me to celebrate her. I also hate it because none of my grandmothers are around for it, either. And I hate it because it's filled with false expectations.

Growing up, I don't actually remember what we did for mother's day - I may have blocked it out. But after my parent's divorce, my mom and I would go to Greektown in Detroit for the art fair as well as the food. That's when I really started remembering mother's day.

When my parents remarried my amazing step-parents, mother's day took on a new twist: morning brunch with mom's family; and bbq dinner with my stepmom and family. As much as you might think I hated that - I actually really liked it. I really enjoyed getting the family together to honor our matriarchs.

My mom & her chemo hair.

As I got older, people in the family made it seem like mother's day was a chore. The last decent mother's day that I can remember was the one before my mom passed away when my kids were still small and my mom was recovering from chemo and radiation. She sucked it up to be with us at my house and tried to enjoy it as much as she could. The next year, we had lunch with my aunt and uncle, before cleaning out my grandmother's apartment.

I learned a lot from my mom - mostly the sucking it up and doing what's expected part of life. The first mother's day after mom was gone was hard but not even the hardest one. For the last few years, I refused to go to the cemetery on mother's day because it's too hard. And there's too much pressure. Mother's day is filled with too much pressure. And emotions. I'm a cryer - so I don't really enjoy spending a day that's supposed to be about celebrating moms crying about those who passed on.

Oh, the '80s.

This year, though, I'll go to the cemetery. This year seems harder than most. I can't look at mother's day cards and not cry this year. We're not doing anything with my family to celebrate mothers, so I'll go to the cemetery to say hi to my mom - get my emotions out right then and there, so I can be present and at home with my kids. I want to garden this year (weather permitting). I want to spend time with my kids doing anything they want to do and anything that's a distraction. I also want to spend the day showering my husband with amazing things because it's his birthday. This Sunday should be filled with happy things and giggles, not sadness and tears.

It also needs to be less-pressure filled! Holy moly! Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to have the PERFECT day?!? Let's take that pressure off and just not care. That's my aim. As much as I hate mother's day, I still want to be celebrated because being a mom is the HARDEST job I've ever had and even though I make a ton of mistakes, I'm fairly proud of the two little guys who seem to just love life and me. So, this year is going to be a no-pressure mother's day. If I cry, I cry. If I smile, I smile. And maybe this year I won't hate mother's day as much as I usually do. Afterall, I still have two beautiful step-moms to shower with love and some amazing aunts that have helped fill-in where my mom can't anymore. I'm grateful. Still crying, but also grateful.