No Relief for Migraines

Me, in a dim room at urgent care.

Sometimes life hands you lemons and you can make lemonade. Sometimes life hands you lemons and you cry because your head hurts so much that you don't know what to do with those lemons.

I'm the latter over the last few weeks.

I still have some good days where I feel AMAZING and then I have some really awful days, like today, where I wonder what I was thinking coming into work when I feel so awful.

But I like to show my coworkers that I'm strong enough to be here.

Last week, I was not. I went to bed with a migraine and woke up with what felt like a tornado swirling in my head. The meds I took before I went to bed didn't work. But I still tried to go to work...until I got sick on the side of the road and went back home.

Migraines like this are horrific. It's the only way I can describe it. I've come to understand that some people, who may only get migraines occasionally, need to rest because their heads hurt in such a way that movement makes them ill. I'm rarely that person. I'm a fake-it-until-I-make-it kind of person. I will go through all of the motions of getting ready for work until I can't fake it anymore.

I get chronic migraines and, over the last two years they are more frequent and more volatile.

Last year, my neurologist put me on a preventative medicine. Did it take away all of my migraines? No. But the frequency and severity decreased immensely. Unfortunately, due to the side effects of the medication, you can't take them while you're trying to conceive a child. So, I haven't been on it since October.

At first, I wasn't getting migraines. Then, in April, my migraines came back in full-force. At times, they make me so ill that I truly cannot get myself into the office and have to work from home. Other times, they are so awful that I need to go to urgent care because I can't take any more pills to dull it down.

Today, it feels like tiny trolls are burrowing through my brain, but I forced myself to come into the office. I hate letting this defeat me. I also hate working from home.

There's no relief for me, though. Many of the meds for treating migraines aren't good for when you're trying to conceive or when you have ulcers...which is me.

Magical oils don't work for me, either. The smell makes me nauseous, which makes everything worse when you're already nauseated.

What do you do when you have a migraine?? Any tips for me?

Grateful for Insurance

This morning, my friend Sarah asked "what are you grateful for?" My answer:
"My current healthcare where I cannot get kicked off my insurance because my body fails me. I'm having a bad flare up that came out of no where and it's making me think back to when I wasn't allowed affordable health insurance - even through an employer."

You see, there was a time not too long ago when I was denied health insurance.

Delicious Tea.

Let's backtrack: I was 22 when I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis (IC). Like dysautonomia, there were doctors who didn't believe IC was a real disorder or disease. At the time I was getting tested until the time I was diagnosed, I had insurance. By the time I had a diagnosis, my insurance told me this was a pre-existing condition that I didn't disclose and I was kicked off my insurance. None of my bills were paid.

I was 22. I didn't know how to navigate the red tape and the bureaucratic system. I felt so lost. How could I get kicked off my insurance for a condition I didn't know I had?!?

I fear I'm facing this yet, again.

I'm at home with a random flare up from IC. It feels like my lower half is on fire. Sometimes I get really lucky and the flare up eases up in a day. I'm hoping I get that lucky.

But I'm also really lucky because I have insurance through my employer and it's fairly good. I can call my physician, ask for medication or for an office visit and not pay an arm and a leg for treatment.

For today, I'm couch-bound until the pain lets up and my doctor checks email so I can acquire yet another medication that or may not help. I'm also still battling migraines - so that's not helping. Either way, I'm slightly more covered than I was at 22.