Two years ago, I lost my mom. Two years ago, last, we buried here. Yesterday was her Yahrtzeit (Jewish anniversary of her death). The hurt is still there. The grief is still there but it gets shoved away so I can resume normal everyday activities.
Until the anniversary comes. Then the grief is like an open wound that won't heal.
When my mom got sick, I was just starting my journey with this disorder. By the time she died, I had no idea what it was but it was consuming my every day life. When she was in the hospital, I would get hit with waves of nausea - like normal. But the day she died, I had a migraine that wouldn't quit, nausea that was so debilitating I still have no idea how I was present that day, and the overall "icky" sick feeling that dysautonomia brings. The grief was there and it was manifesting itself into the WORST symptoms I've ever had.
To this day, my symptoms have never been THAT awful.
They lasted for about a week. And they rear their ugly faces during the anniversary of mom's death.
For many patients with dysautonomia, going through grief is harder than our new-normal lives. Our symptoms are exacerbated and it's harder to get up and do things.
Shortly after my mom died, her mom died and the symptoms were there, again. They came with anxiety, too. It was hard enough losing my mom but I was losing my Gram, too. My cousin, David, is a fantastic psychologist who got me through those two weeks with some anxiety-relieving methods like controlling my breathing and meditating.
But the symptoms are there. Every time someone's in the hospital, the symptoms are there. When my anxiety gets higher than normal, the symptoms come out, again.
There's a definite connection between dysautonomia and grieving. Unfortunately, I don't have the funds to figure out what the actual connection is and whether it's causation or correlation.(I can be fancy AND smart sometimes.)
Either way, having this disorder is hard enough but it's made harder when life throws major curve balls.
Until next time...
