Dreams and Consequences

I always wanted to be a writer but I was always told that writers don't make a good living. Yet, it was writing that paid my bills when we lived in Israel. And it's writing that keeps me from going insane while battling dysautonomia. Sometimes I get sick of writing about being sick - so I like to write about other things...like my kids. I'm very cognoscente of the fact that one day my kids may read what I wrote about them - so I always try to put a good spin on it. I'm aware of the consequences of making my kids' lives public and I never want them to become public fodder.

When I was younger, I dreamed of being a famous writer living in Israel. I wanted to write books of my experiences there. But those dreams don't pay the bills, so I became an SEO person and a copy writer. THAT paid my bills - but it didn't make me feel like I accomplished my dreams. I started writing articles while I lived in Israel -  mostly articles for my job. But I never let go of the dream of being a writer.

Fast forward a few years, I got rid of a few blogs I owned because I just didn't have much to write about. Well, that's not true. I had PLENTY to write about but I didn't want anyone to feel badly for me. I never want someone to feel sorry for me based on what's going on in my life. I could write a hundred pages on the grief I went through when my mom died. I could write books on my experiences having this f*cking disease (which is part of why this blog exists). But I don't always like writing about that stuff because it depresses people.

So, in my latest published post, I wrote about having a kid who likes to go at his own pace while being a perfectionist.

He gets that from me.

He does things on his own time. In his own way. When he wants and how he wants. I both love it and get annoyed by it. Can any other parents out there empathize with me?

But there are consequences of putting your life out there. When it came out that I have an illness, many of my coworkers contacted me to wish me well or tell me of their illnesses, too. They told me I was brave. But I got some backlash from people I know (outside of work) who told me I didn't need to put it all out there. Yet, I did and it helped some people come to terms with being sick.

This time around, I'm hoping to feel that power of sisterhood that someone else is in my boat. Someone can guide me in the right direction. Do those people exist?

Healthy Diet Update - Day 25

Phase I is almost over. SO CLOSE! And yet, I don't find myself feeling deprived at all. I've found a few new recipes that I really love. All of a sudden, I like chili. And I like meatballs, too! Best of all - I like vegetables. I developed a palate for it. For lunch today I had a simple salad and added chicken - then moved the chicken to the side of my plate because I didn't want it any more. I just wanted salad. I eat more vegetable-based soups now and I eat so much SALAD... and it's never boring. Truly.

Another bonus: I lost 10 lbs.

That's a lot of me since I struggled with my weight for the last two (+) years. 

The real question people keep asking me is "but how do you feel?" Honestly, I feel better. I still have my days where I get tired easily. Through two weeks of phase I, I had a cold and I didn't really feel like eating much. I stuck to eating more veggies, less meat and even used at-home-recipes to help with inflammation.

While I love having a healthier lifestyle, I'll be SO happy when I can stop drinking these shakes. They are horrible. They make my skin crawl and I hate it.

Aside from that, I do feel fairly good. Even though I had a cold, rather than taking a full week off of work because I was debilitated, I was couch-ridden for two days and really only felt yucky at work once.

While I do "cheat" every once in a while, it's usually small and I track how I feel when I eat something I'm not supposed to. In short, it usually makes me feel like shit.

The rest of the family has adjusted their diets, too. The big kid usually eats my salad...while I'm eating it and the bulldozer (my youngest) will often eat any vegetable you give him. My big kid (who is almost 4!!) was a riot when I gave him kohlrabi - he didn't know what to make of it but came back for more. His brother was tricked into eating it and now likes it.

All in all, this diet was a great idea. I wish I started sooner.

Healthy Diet Update - Day 11

Someone once said it takes 11 days to start a new habit. I'm on day 11 of this lifestyle change. I'm having a few issues:
raw vegetables are tiresome
the shakes make me nauseous sometimes
the supplements are often like horse-tablets
my brain still wants sugar...well, chocolate

So those are some of my hang-ups. Before I dive into those a bit more, let me tell you about my accomplishments:
I haven't been to McDonald's in two weeks (those fries are my weakness!)
I'm rarely hungry
I like carrots (if you know me, you know I hated carrots)
I lost five pounds


I want to tell you I have more energy but I don't. I have headaches nearly every day. My skin is breaking out but that's more likely because I'm getting rid of the toxins. There's always that little voice in my head saying "this isn't right for you - just give up" but I can't and I won't. I don't want to give up. I know that voice isn't real and I know it's trying to derail me. I won't let it.

I miss cheese. I miss chocolate. I really miss fruit. But I'm starting to like vegetables a lot more. Last night I made zucchini patties and added carrots, onion, yellow pepper, and cayenne pepper to it. They were SO good. So, while raw vegetables get boring, they help stave off hunger and this is teaching me to eat better. I know one day I'll get to eat cheese, chocolate, and fruit but those will need to be in moderation.

Right now, I have a bit of a virus so my appetite is off and I'm quite symptomatic (yay). But I can feel like I'm getting back to my normal self - the self that used to have a virus for two days and felt better after that. I was really sick yesterday, I'm still sick today but I can feel that tomorrow will be better.

I'm on the road to better health. My cravings will change but I need to get my mind to swap from wanting "bad" foods to wanting "good" foods.

Health and Wellness for 2016

Holy Crap! It's already 2016! That's a bit insane for me. Let me recap December:

Went to Florida with the family. We drove. I survived.

Started a new health path with the Integrative Wellness Center (more on that in a bit).

Organized a lot of my house.

Had more good days than bad.

Switched cell phone carriers.


That sums it up fairly well.

I was barely symptomatic while we were on vacation - which was amazing! It was hot but I stayed hydrated and I rested when I needed to. I got sick towards the end of our trip with a virus but it was more manageable while we were in warm weather than it would have been if I was in Detroit and working.

Towards the end of November, I took my health into my hands with some help from my friend, Missy. I was at my lowest and realized I was in a nasty cycle of constantly being sick and taking medication. This is part of the problem with having dysautonomia - we can really only treat the symptoms, not heal the disorder. So, I sought outside help and started seeing Dr. Shields. He ran some blood tests and they were concerning. I'm pre-diabetic. My cholesterol is insanely high. My liver is breaking down. Basically, I'm sick and not getting any better.

Without going into too much detail, I'm on Phase I of IV of trying to get healthy. Phase I consists of three medical shakes, a lot of supplements, and a new diet where I can't eat:

• legumes
• dairy
• seeds
• nuts
• beef
• heavily processed foods
• sugar
• fruit
• regular coffee

One of my friends at work said "yum, you can eat salad all day long!" but in reality, I'm not hungry. I'm allowed a little bit of honey and my Gatorade (can't live without that stuff). I can have lean meats, good fats, and lots of vegetables. Plus I can have quinoa and brown rice. I can also have oatmeal if I really want to (but I'm not really a fan).

The first two days were rough. I wasn't feeling well. With the weather changing, my headaches were really bad. Today is my first day back at work since December 16th and so far, so good!

This health change isn't cheap and my health insurance isn't covering it - so this is all out of pocket but it's worth it if it helps me and I have nothing to lose. I'm making these changes for my health. I need to be around when my kids get older and I want to be able to play with them while they are still young enough to want me around.

Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted!